Dear Diary,

It’s been 21 days without carbs. Send donuts.


It’s really only been about 10 days or so. In that time I may or may not have had indulged in pizza, pasta, banana bread, wine, and cake. The cake might not completely count because it had buttercream frosting and the jury’s still out on butter.
Butter Diet animated GIF

Obviously I’m not someone who can completely remove carbs from her diet, because ice cream, but I have significantly reduced my intake. My pants are slowly starting to button again which is just a win-win for everyone involved. This has also forced me to cook more which is probably a good thing. There were far too many nights where I slapped a cup of peanut butter on a piece of bread or a spoon and called it dinner.

I’m hoping to keep this up for another month or so because Thanksgiving through the New Year should definitely all be splurge days. If you think a month and a half is too much splurging then you’re barking up the wrong blog.


I’ve Recently Made a Huge Decision

If you think that me writing a post about the spontaneous decision I made to cut my hair is stupid, then you are more than welcome to exit. Let me be vain for a second.


The new ‘do

I haven’t had hair this short in nearly 9 years, so this was a pretty big decision for me. I got tired of trim after trim so I went for it and cut off about 8 inches (I think? When it was straight, it went almost to my ribs). I’ve compiled a serious list of pros and cons for those of you looking to do the same.


  • I had no idea that people ever dried their hair in under an hour. I’m only sort of exaggerating. The dry time plus straightening was just fuggin’ ridiculous.
  • Long hair gets caught in your armpit. You don’t realize your hair is in your armpit. You turn your head and pull your hair. Pain ensues. This is a non-issue for me now.
  • I’d imagine I’m going to save a fortune on shampoo and conditioner (although nothing so far since I continue to place gobs of it in my hand out of habit).
  • Shedding occurs far less frequently. This might not actually be true, but I have noticed a significant difference. I no longer constantly slap my arms to find the random piece of hair that has fallen. This also means much less time picking up clumps of hair off of the floor since my vacuum has become unable to handle an abundance of hair.
  • I am learning to master the blow-out. I’m pretty sure my hair was outraged with how much I used my straightener. I’ve turned it on once in the past week to fix a random chunk that wouldn’t fall right.


  • I’m not sure how it will work curly. I au-natural-ed it the other day for kicks and it was a bit meh. I think it’s still too short to wear that way but I will play around with it more.
  • I am one-thousand percent certain that there will come a time when I miss this

    long hair

    Hey Jack!

  • and being able to do this

    Hey sis!


But, such is life. And besides, it’s just hair so stop making a big freaking deal about it!

Five Thing Friday, 10.10.2014

I think a post per week is an excellent start after I was gone for so long. Let’s hop to it, shall we?

1. Most importantly, I became a GODMUTHA this past weekend. If you’re wondering if Francesca and I are besties yet, we are.20141009-174523-63923705.jpg
The first thing I will teach you is how to smile at the camera, specifically when it’s a pic of the two of us. You’re lucky you’re adorbs no matter what you’re doing.

2. The photo above is the last time you will see my hair that long for quite some time since I chopped it off the following day!20141009-174524-63924208.jpg

I haven’t had my hair this short in almost 10 years. I was scary, but I love it. I dried it yesterday like a big girl without a straightener and it looked surprisingly good! Those round brushes and hair dryer attachments are in fact there for a reason.

3. I did a little fall decorating. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, AmIRite!?20141009-174522-63922190.jpg

4. I came across a blog of someone who refers to themselves as a “life coach.” As in I will offer advice and will ask you for money for it. Oh, and I’m not a therapist. Excuse me? Aren’t these people called “mom,” or “friend” or “sister” or “literally anyone!?” If I have a tough decision to make or need some advice I’m like oh, I’ll ask so-and-so. Never once does it cross my mind DAMNIT if only I had a solid life coach I would find the motivation to finish that project at work. I just can’t believe people like this exist, and even more, people idiots keep them employed. I hate this world sometimes.

5. But I don’t hate it right now because it’s FRIDAYYYY. This is the first weekend in a long time where I have zero plans. Oh, excuse me, I have to go. A bottle of wine just called me and said it’s urgent.
wine animated GIF
Never change, KL. Never change.





Five Thing Friday 10.03.2014

Oh Em Gee. Two Fridays in a row!? Go me.

1. Sherlock has been consuming my life. I’m done with season 3 (I haven’t been THAT terrible – only 3 episodes a season) and now I’m so mad because I have so many unanswered questions that I will need to wait months to have answered. I don’t suggest watching this if you easily have nightmares or very vivid dreams. I surprisingly had no nightmares of Moriarty like I thought I would, but I did in fact have a dream last night that I was examining a dead body with Sherlock sooo yeah.
sherlock animated GIF

2. WTF Ebola. That is all.

3. Someone brought in a 5 lb. bag of peanut m&m’s into work yesterday. It was placed four feet from my desk at 8PM and remained there until 5PM. You do the math. What a cruel yet thoughtful person you are, new co-worker. I ate lettuce for dinner last night (not exaggerating) and I’ll probably get a cold (or Ebola) from everyone’s grubby paws going into the same bowl but I don’t even care. It was so damn worth it.

4. I am getting a much needed haircut on Monday. I have been genuinely considering chopping off anywhere from 1/2″ to a foot (I think I have enough where I could cut off an entire 12 inches!) Sounds gross. It just took me so long to grow and ughhh what a tough (but not at all important) decision.

5. My beautiful baby niece’s Baptism is this Sunday. Oh, and I’m the godmutha – NBD. I like to think I’ll be this kind of godmother.
cinderella animated GIF

Gotta jet! Time to find Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella now.

Well This is Awkward

I knew I hadn’t posted in a while but I didn’t realize it was on my birthday, over a month ago, until I came to blog just now. I feel like I should apologize for leaving for so long but I have no idea if anyone even reads this anymore.

awkward animated GIF

I was going to jump right into a “Five Thing Friday” but it didn’t feel right after so long. You’re basically getting the same thing, just without numbers.

There’s really no excuse for my absence. Well, kind of. I’ve been travelling a lot to see this guy. Oh, and spent a week at the beach.


Oh hey view from our house. I miss you.

After spending a week in glorious summer weather at the beach, I was greeted with fugging FALL. I do like fall, but the cooler temperatures was a cruel reality to return to after I was used to the sun beating down on my flesh every day. Speaking of, I truly have a love/hate relationship with fall. Obviously I’m going to take advantage of a plethora of Reese’s pumpkins while they’re here. I have already gone apple picking and have pumpkins on my table right now. It’s just the harsh reminder that winter is coming and no one even addresses it. Everyone’s just like yayyyy #PSL. Yea, you’ll be cursing that latte when your skin burns from the cold as you dig your car out. EndRant.

In the most exciting news, I started a new job! I’ve been there for about a month but didn’t mention anything about it on here because one, I haven’t been posting, but two – because I was scared it wasn’t real and they were going to take it away. But it’s legitimate and I am so so happy after searching for literally years for a new job. YAY. My advice if you hate your job and are looking for a new one? Cry and curse and want to punch things and think that you will never get a job. It’s therapeutic. BUT, keep writing tedious, awful cover letters, because there is always the chance that someone will finally realize what an awesome employee you are. #InspirationalBlog #LOLnope

I’m sure I have lots more to discuss that I just forgot about but that’s all for now. I will hopefully be back sooner than later.

This Turning 22 + 5 Thing is Getting Old

I can’t believe I’m already 22 AGAIN. This is six times now and it’s getting a little bit ridiculous. I recall some deep lyrics I quoted in my AIM away message the day before my 17th birthday. John Cougar Mellencamp spoke to my tortured soul, apparently:

Hold on to sixteen as long as you can.
Changes come around real soon make us women and men.

How horrifyingly embarrassing that I’m sharing this with you, but I just can’t fathom how that was a decade ago. I also can’t fathom how I ever made friends as a teenager (or adult), but that’s neither here nor there.

I’m a fan of my “26 lessons I learned” post from last year, so I’m posting it again. I suppose I should add a *GULP* number 27, though.

27. You will have a creepy memory and remember what your away message said in 2004 but you’ll have trouble recalling what you did last weekend.


*Originally posted August 13, 2013*

Today is my 5th 22nd birthday!

In honor, I’m posting 26 things that I’ve learned thus far.

  1. Never paint your nails too close to bedtime. #Sheetmarks
  2. Life goes on without Facebook. And it is glorious.
  3. It is possible to enjoy a drink or two. Not every Friday night needs to consist of endless games of beer pong and flip cup, and heading to the bar at 1AM when you run out of beer. Although I will always treasure those nights.
  4. You can get lost on YouTube for hours listening to music.
  5. There is no shame in going to bed at 9PM, even if it is Saturday. Sleep sometimes trumps all else.
  6. You should probably try and save a little money, but if you have the chance to go to a Beyonce’ concert for $150 in the nose-bleeds, do it. That shit is priceless – Mastercard style.
  7. You are never to old to make 11:11 wishes.
  8. Toenails must always be painted. Just say “no” to au natural.
  9. Red wine is for Winter. White wine is for Summer.
  10. TLC’s lyrics are in fact “Don’t go chasin’ waterfalls” as opposed to what 10-year old me thought was “Don’t go, Jason Waterfalls.”
  11. Never leave home without a hair tie around your wrist
  12. Also, say it with me – “phone, wallet, keys, chapstick.”
  13. Few things bring greater joy than scream-singing in the car. Bonus points if you get caught by another driver.
  14. Not everyone will like you. That’s okay. Stop wasting your time trying to make them.
  15. Burnt popcorn is the worst smell in the world. Watch that micro.
  16. The flaws you notice and dislike about yourself? No one else notices them. Relax.
  17. Getting sucked into reality television is one of the most awful and wonderful things. Guilty pleasure, minus the guilt.
  18. Exercise sucks. Do it anyway.
  19. Friendships will change. Hang on to the people you trust most.
  20. You will laugh about the things you cared about four years ago. Consequently, in four years, you’ll likely be laughing about the things you care about today. Try to keep this in mind.
  21. Learn how to give without expecting anything in return.
  22. Time alone can keep you sane. Take yourself on a date every once in a while.
  23. Don’t be rude to strangers. If they’re rude to you, kill ‘em with kindness.
  24. It is one of the hardest things in the world not to compare yourself to other people. Try not to.
  25. Don’t deprive yourself. Sometimes, ice cream is an “always” food.
  26. It’s okay to act ridiculous sometimes. In honor, blast some T-Swift and dance around. I promise, you’ll feel 22 all over again.

The Bachelorette, Week 10: Making Love, Fiance’ Style

We started with the live audience wasting their time while Chris Harrison told us that whoever got sent home (AKA “the loser”) has been trying to get in touch with stalking Andi since the final rose. Thanks for the spoiler, Chris. At that moment, literally everyone knew that Nick was sent home because he’s the only one that would try to find Andi to talk to her/make her change her mind/act like a serial killer.

Nick met Andi’s parents first and was so so so nervous. This was actually the first time I’ve somewhat liked him this season because he was acting like a human. You could tell that he had genuine feelings for her and I felt sorry for him. Andi was talking about Nick and she was just like sooo drawing out her words and explained that Nick is so PASSIONATEEEEE and when he kisses her, he KISSES her. And she enunciates and emphasizes strangely and it’s annoying.

Josh was speed talking when he spoke with Andi’s Dad and I just wish that someone would call him out on the fact that he writes speeches. He cannot talk naturally (more on that later…) Andi’s father, Hy, was the funniest part of this show all season.

Andi took Josh on a yacht where they talked about boring shit and we got a few close-up shots of Josh rubbing her ass. Romance. Later that evening, Josh gave Andi a baseball card “he” made because it was the only way he could make something for her that is actually about him. It said “Andi Murray” on it with “stats” on the back. I don’t even remember what because it was dumb.

Nick and Andi had a picnic and went swimming in a lake. Their evening date was far more awkward than Josh’s and by this point I just wanted to get to the stalking portion that Chris Harrison had promised us earlier. Nick gave Andi a necklace filled with sand from the beach where he first told her he loved her. Weird. Next up: Blood vials al la Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton.

Finally, we came to judgement day and poor Nick had to stand shirtless on a balcony in comparison with Josh. Let’s just kick him when he’s down. Josh picked out his ring for Andi and then we were shown Nick waiting for Neil Lane to enter so he could do the same. Instead, Andi was on the other side of the door.

I actually felt sorry for Nick, but he was acting like this was the first time someone on this show was fooled. He was in shock and didn’t ask many questions. He just packed up his bags and left, but not before removing the dried up roses he had stashed in there beforehand and throwing them away in dramatic fashion.

When Josh met Andi for their proposal, he came prepared with a monologue and the first line was actually about his “first love, baseball,” in case anyone was unaware that he used to play. He said nice things but it was so awkward and forced and memorized. Andi rambled a little more but at least she was natural about it. Luckily, she told him that she realized all of her feelings of being scared that he would hurt her was actually “love.” Huh? Guess the rest of the world has been doing love wrong. They seemed happy but I could have done without the “I love you babe. I love you more” being repeated constantly.

“After the Final Rose” informed us that Nick tried to see Andi in Mexico and she refused. She also refused to see him when he showed up at the men tell all episode so he wrote her a letter. Nick is obviously still heartbroken and needed to find a way to stick it to Andi, and stick it he did when he asked “If you didn’t love me then why did you make love with me?” I died. Andi was pizzzzzed. She wasn’t being nice after that. Way to go Nick – you just blew up her spot that she had sex with both you and Josh in the fantasy suites. And evidently it was “fiancé sex” To Nick – whatever that means.

I’m so happy his dumb season is over.

I will be watching Bachelor in Paradise and will hate it, I’m sure.

Until next time, folks.