The Billboard Awards Got Me Heated, Apparently

Let’s just skip over the weekend re-cap because I don’t think many of you would be interested to hear about my night with Titanic and a bottle of wine. You can just follow me on Twitter if you’re dying to see the riveting life of a 25-year-old 65-year-old.

Last night, I managed to watch approximately two minutes of the Billboard Music Awards. Luckily, I turned it on just as Justin Bieber was being booed. How fantastic!? I was thrilled. Then he got up there looking like this.

Wait, it gets better. So he looks like this (a jackass) and then he starts “talking” about how he wants to be taken seriously as an artist and people need to focus on his craft. A few important things about this “speech” need to be discussed. I put “talking” and “speech” in quotes because the sounds that were coming out of his mouth could not be qualified as either. The entire thing was stuttering and “ah-ah-ah” (ah = I). If I thought the reason for this was nervousness, then I’d ignore it, but it was not. He was doing it to sound “cool” and spoke entirely hunched over the entire time.

Justin, if you want to be taken seriously, the first step is to not act like a huge douche canoe. A little humility wouldn’t kill you. I’m not saying he’s not talented and successful, but you’re gonna lose support and you’re gonna lose it fast with that obnoxious and pretentious attitude. If you want to watch the full stupidity, click here. I couldn’t bring myself to actually include this idiotic video in this post.

Immediately following that blasphemy, Taylor Swift won an award. I forget what it was for, but that’s irrelevant. Now, I have always had a love/hate relationship with T-Swizz. I love her music and can’t deny that I scream “22″ at the top of my lungs in my car. Hell, I’m seeing her live in July and I could not be more excited! But for goodness sake, STOP making your surprised face every time you win something! You’re embarrassing yourself. Honestly, how many awards combined has Taylor won in her career beginning circa 2006? That’s a legitimate question if anyone knows the answer. You are not shocked anymore. No one is. So, please just stop with this.

It’s not cute. It’s just irritating. There was only one time when your surprise was warranted, and, might I add, genuine.

With that, I’m off to find something else to rant about, because apparently that’s the kind of mood I’m in right now.

Five Thing Friday 5/17/13

1. I survived my race yesterday. I finished in 42:25. No, this is not fast, but with the cramp I got in my side that lasted for the last 2 miles of the race, I’ll take it.

2. Jane Lynch is playing Miss Hannigan in Annie on Broadway and I need to see this! I already got my sister, Nicole, and friend, Katie, to agree to go. We need to pick a date and find cheap tickets since the website is $200 and ain’t nobody got time for that.

3. I didn’t watch American Idol yet but headlines were taunting me this morning so I had to read, knowing full well that the news would either make or break my entire day (no, I’m not dramatic). Luckily, my day was made! Candice won and all is right in the world. I can’t wait to watch the show and all the performances (hellooooo JHud/Candice duet!!!)

4. This is the best thing I’ve read today: The 21 Stages of a Friday Workday. I’m around #14 right now: You just want to nap so badly.

5. I’m so tired and my legs are sore. Bye.

Sleep Running

I’m running a 3.5 mile race today. I know, I know, I’m not a runner. I still relate to that post, but alas, here I am, lacing up the kicks for what can only be described as voluntary physical and mental pain. I’ve been running early in the morning before work for the past few weeks to get myself into some sort of shape. After nearly collapsing after a slow two miles yesterday, I’m just as slow and lung capacity-deprived as I imagined I would be come race day. Excellent.

Over-exertion aside, I am not a morning person. I have no idea how I’ve been forcing myself out of bed at 6AM when my eyes are burning so badly that it feels like someone put hot coals on them. I legitimately don’t know what I’ve been telling myself in order to get out of bed instead of sleeping for another 60 minutes. Seriously, I remember nothing. When I finally make it outside, I’m still so tired and I’m like Wait. I don’t remember agreeing to this. Who put me on this pavement with the sunrise? No, seriously, I’m so exhausted that I don’t know what I’m doing.

I rarely even remember actually running, which is both good and bad. Good, because I’m exercising yet not recalling the torture. Bad, because, well that can’t be safe (don’t worry Mom, I’m on sidewalks!)

All joking aside (yeah, okay) here’s a a story an uninteresting fact. I’ve been wearing this shirt for about a month and a half. For about a month and a half I’ve been thinking Gee, I sure wish this shirt had thumb holes for these chilly mornings.

You guys. This picture is from TUESDAY. I JUST realized that these existed. Now do you believe me that I’ve been sleep-running at 6AM every day?

Wish me luck this afternoon. I’m not sure if I remember how to run while awake.

Leo Has Aged Nicely

Alternate Title: Things You Already Knew

Last Friday I ended up seeing The Great Gatsby with Al & Shana. I haven’t read the book in about six years so I read Spark Notes beforehand to refresh my memory, but still didn’t remember the novel well enough to compare the two. Basically, if you hated this movie because the book was better, I’m sorry you won’t relate to this post at all.

I think the most important thing we learned in this film is that while the length of his hair has changed, Leo has yet to alter the part in his hair for at least 20 years. I love this.

Do I realize that we have matching side bangs? Sure. Do I care? Absolutely not.

So, in conclusion:

I realize this post is a huge GIF overload, but I’m not sorry. In fact, you’re welcome for providing you with such wonderful images on this here Wednesday.

Is Blue Ivy Getting a Sister?

There are rumors floating around that Beyonce is pregnant again. All I have to say is bring on the offspring! I’m a bit skeptical, though. Supposedly these rumors started because she mentioned that she wanted to give Blue Ivy a sibling, and a few weeks later she was wearing “camouflage” at the Met Gala.

I want to believe these rumors as much as the next wanna-Be-yonce, but the only thing I’m sure of from this photo is that Tina Knowles still influences her daughter’s fashion choices. Also, since when is the above pattern camouflage? Anywhore, I’m really hoping this is the beginning of the Carters really forming their clan. Those children will have talent spewing out their noses and I can only hope they put it to good use a la the Brady’s, except multiply the both the talent and entertainment factors by infinity or so, because well…

I can only sit and hope that these rumors are true. When I see the Queen LIVE in approximately 2.5 months, I’ll report on the bump status, although we’ll probably already know by then if this is true. Until then, I will imagine the magnificent scenarios that QB* will come up with to tell the world her news because, let’s face it, the only person who is constantly trying to upstage Beyonce is Beyonce.

*QB = Queen Bey. Obv.

Five Thing Friday

Happy Friday! Let’s get to it shall we?

1. I’m feeling incredibly mixed emotions about American Idol last night. Candice rightfully made it through to the next round, so I was obviously ecstatic. Kree and Angie stood arm in arm awaiting their fate. It was almost a joke to keep watching. Obviously Angie is going to make it though. And then.

KREE MADE IT THROUGH. This is just straight blasphemy. I almost felt guilty. I love Candice so much, but I assumed Angie was the front-runner. I just needed to vote to make  sure Candice made it and the top two would be the best girls in the group. This is so upsetting. Think of the incredible finale performances Angie & Candice would have given. Instead, we’ll just be sitting there like

Please note that I think Kree is very talented. It’s just that she does not even compare when standing next to these ladies.

2. I need to start watching What Would Ryan Lochte Do? Because wow.

3. Leave Kim Kardashian alone.

Look, is this an unflattering dress? Of course. Should she have worn it? Probably not. Did her motivation for wearing this stem from the fact that she craves attention and needs to be talked about? Ding ding ding! The same people that complain about her constantly are the same exact ones who are keeping her in the limelight. Let’s focus on the most pressing matter at hand: an innocent child is being brought into the world and has no choice but to be raised by Kanye West.

4. I really wish I remembered more of The Great Gatsby. Maybe I’ll try to read it again before seeing the movie, but probably not.

5. Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mama’s of the world! Love you, Mom!

Weird Wednesday

Yes, I like alliteration. Yes, you’re being graced with my randomness yet again. So sue me. No, don’t sue me. That is opposite the point I’m trying to make.

On to more important things. Does increasing your water intake make you perpetually thirsty? I’m drinking more water, which is great, but 4 water bottles in 3 hours and I still find myself re-filling it constantly. If you can imagine, this had lead to approximately 10 trips to the bathroom already today. Good thing I’m not this woman.

I actually ran yesterday like I said I was going to. I’m going to try to do the same today except it will probably need to be on a treadmill because we were not graced with gorgeous weather again today. Ugh.

Oh my gah, I am soo artsy.

This is completely unrelated but what is wrong with you, Farrah Abraham? I thought waxing your daughter’s eyebrows was bad but good thing you’ve introduced your sex tape to make you seem like mother of the year. It’s cool though because you surpassed Kim Kardashian’s record views with 2 million visitors in 12 hours.

“I’ve gotten a lot of compliments from men and women telling me this is the best sex tape they’ve ever seen from a celebrity so I’m humbled.” 

Be careful on how liberally you throw around the word “celebrity.” That’s pretty presumptuous. I’m glad you’ve had such a “humbling” experience, though. What. An. Accomplishment. You should be so proud of yourself.
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