**MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS FROM THE FIRST EPISODE**
The drinking. The tears. The backstabbing. The drinking. The sobs. The drinking. The lies. The crying. The drinking…
Welcome to The Bachelor, ladies and gentlemen. I have no idea how this show has survived as long as it has, yet here we sit watching what seems to be the 80th season of this show. Why does everyone keep watching? I doubt many people tune in with hopes to see a meaningful relationship blossom, since those have been few and far between.
It’s for the drama. This entire show is so outrageous but when someone back flips out of the limo and falls, you can’t help but laugh (she was okay). If nothing else, these people confirm that I am not the most awkward person alive. I cringe at some of the things these men and women say and do to each other. It is comforting to know that things could be worse – my awkward encounters with other humans could be televised for all to judge.
Monday night’s episode just tops everything I’ve seen on this show so far. I’m going to brush over the fifteen minute montage of Sean shirtless, running on the beach, doing push ups in is back yard, and staring off into sunsets. We get it, you’re fit.
Can I just ask, when did being “family oriented” and “here to find love, not make friends” become a unique quality on this show? Oh, you want a husband and kids? That totally sets you apart from the 25 other single women who are also here, looking for a husband. They just hate their families and are only here for the wine (could be half true) so you have it in the bag! Get a grip, girls.
Not to be hating solely on the females, can we talk about how Sean checked out all of the women’s behinds, for lack of a better word? I’m not talking about when they walked away and he obviously took a peek. That is normal and expected. What I found hysterical was that every time he hugged a girl, his neck craned down as far as possible to get an over-the-shoulder booty check. Does that even give a good view? What’s the point? Just wait until they walk away to get a good look and save yourself the embarrassment.
Honestly, the most I took away from this episode is that these ladies either need to learn how to handle their booze, or realize that just because the wine is free, doesn’t mean you should drink 3 bottles.
Let’s start off with Lindsay, who I like to refer to as Bridezilla. She got out of the limo in a wedding gown and veil and continued to don this for the remainder of the evening. I can get on board with the idea. She was trying to be funny. I get it. What made me physically ill for her was when she and Sean had their “one-on-one time” and she was schnockered, tilting her head back saying “gimme a kiss” while puckering her lips. Note that this was after she walked out of the limo and forced him to kiss her on the lips which made him very obviously uncomfortable. BRIDEZILLA, chill. I was so horrified for her, I could barely watch. He ended up giving her a rose. I can’t decide if I like him for this since he’s giving her a second chance, or if I think this was a stupid idea. I’m going with the latter.
Our next class act, Ashley P., admitted that she doesn’t know why she’s single. She then pulled a strategically placed tie from her bosom, proclaiming her love for 50 Shades of Grey and making Lindsay Bridezilla seem like a breath of fresh air. Sean freaked out – rightly so – and joked that he might need to use his rape whistle. He sent her home rose-less, joking that she got 50 shades of drunk. Honey, we all know why you’re single.
Tierra got the first impression rose fresh out of the limo. She already seemed obnoxious to me, and the previews show her as the one that no one gets along with – proof that I’m likely correct. I must admit that she helped contribute to one of the best parts of the show, when Tierra and AshLee argue over if it’s a first impression rose or just the first rose. Deep stuff.
Kacie B., from Ben’s season, has come back to see if she has a chance with Sean. If I remember correctly, I did like her on Ben’s season, but her and Sean are already friends so this seems somewhat unfair, but we’ll see.
I do have to mention the few “normal” ladies who I liked. Desiree, who is a bridal stylist and seems pretty down to earth; Lesley, the girl who pretended she wanted to play football just so she could check out Sean’s booty; and Diana, a single mom who seems to be no drama. There are obviously more that we will meet again next week, when we can discuss further.
Until next time, go stand shirtless on a mountain looking off into the unknown for love.