The most ludicrous thing happened to me at the grocery store the other day and I need to share it with
the world you five people.
I was perusing the ice cream trying to decide which flavor to get. Spoiler alert: I got both. I’d estimate I was looking at them for about 60 seconds before I finally put two in the cart. Pleased with my decision, I turned toward my cart to continue on my way when I heard someone say “Always make eye contact. Heh. Heh.” I looked over to see a 50ish year old man standing waiting to get by my cart.
He then proceeded to do the little thing with his fingers where you point to your eyes and then to the person. I reacted the only way I knew how.
If I wasn’t in a rush to get home with my ice cream, I might have had a few choice words, but my sweet tooth was raging so I walked away, and probably rolled my eyes.
If I had taken the time to say something it would have been four-fold.
- Ain’t NOBODY tell me what to do. I don’t care if you’re Oprah. No. One.
- How long were you standing there staring at me, you creep?
- Let’s just dive right into the obvious and dwell on how wrong you are. Legitimately in every form of all proper human interaction, you are wrong. While I certainly wish I had telepathic powers because that would be awesome, I don’t. Without these powers, explain to me, oh-wise-one, how the hell I’m supposed to know you’re trying to get by when my back is to the aisle and you are silent? Most humans use their words and say Excuse me.” I would have even accepted a “Can I get/sneak by you?” WRONG.
- Now if you’ll excuse me, I have two ice cream flavors to try. Jack Wagon.