Just Say No to Oprah

Before we get to the meat of this post, I’d like to take a moment to wish a happy birthday to someone I love, respect, admire, and hope to one day call a friend. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, QUEEN B!

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How was everyone’s Labor Day Weekend? Nice and plump from all the dogs and burgers you ate? Still nursing a hangover? I have something that will make you feel better.Oprah-Sweatshirt

My sister found the above image on Pinterest and kindly shared it with me. I had no plans to dive into my Oprah rant on this lovely 4th day of September, but plans change.

I’ve always had an immense love/hate relationship with Oprah. There is no denying that she does amazing things for others, so I have to respect her for that – it would be inhumane not to. But, when all is said and done, I don’t like her – don’t trust her. I remember saying this when I was younger, and my mom telling me “you’re probably just jealous.” No shit. I’m still not a fan, and it’s not just because she’s loud and obnoxious. Let’s take a look at the infamous “You get a car, and you get a car! Everybody gets a carrrr!!! ”

Sure, that was great. However, I can’t help but be irked by the sign that says “Congratulations! Your wildest dreams have come true!” What? Not the woman who doesn’t have her license. This probably wasn’t her dream. She probably wanted a bike. Maybe just some straight up cash. Also, you’re building schools in Africa and then turn around and tell people that a car equals happiness? Quick, someone get Webster on the line to define “hypocrite.” Finally, (I really wasn’t going to mention this but the video is playing in the background on my computer right now and I can’t ignore it) no one, and I mean NO ONE gives a crap about how you picked out your red “suit” to match the bow even though your BFF Gayle King was against it.

This brings me to my next point. Her magazine? No one is allowed on the cover except for Oprah herself. There were two exceptions – Michelle Obama (okay, fair) and the wonderful, actually-generous, not-egotistical, Ellen DeGeneres. Even so, when they were on the cover, Oprah was right by their side. Or, in Ellen’s case, above her, because that’s where Oprah thinks she belongs at all times.
Oprah and Ellen O Magazine cover

The only reason she even put Ellen in the magazine is because Ellen continuously talked about trying to get on the cover and Oprah realized this was making her look like a jackwagon. How did she tell Ellen? The only way she knew would ensure that the attention would still be on her. O, can I borrow some of your ego?

The worst of it all, is that she does all of these things for the praise. I’m sure it makes her happy to help others, but Oprah’s main reason for her do-good persona is for the recognition from others.

Also, while unrelated to her personality flaws, I need to mention the following:

  • Dr. Phil
  • Dr. Oz
  • Rachael Ray

I do love Nate Berkus, so I’ll let that one slide, but it is Oprah’s fault that the above individuals are in your life.

This was in no way meant to start some sort of war on Oprah. (Gurl, if you’re out there, I’d love to appear on Oprah’s Next Chapter if you’re looking for guests.) The whole point of this post is just to prove that OF COURSE a sweatshirt exists with Oprah’s face on it. Why wouldn’t it?

Now can someone find me the SNL skits of Maya Rudolph as Oprah? It’s the only thing that I want to watch after searching through the real Oprah videos…


9 thoughts on “Just Say No to Oprah

  1. Nice Post.One could write an entire blog on Oprah’s promoting woo, quack faith healer showman john of god, new agers Ekharte Tolle, and the list goes on and on! Anything and anyone to promote Oprah’s ratings. When will things finally unravel?

  2. I’ve always wanted to rant about Oprah and how much I hate her, but I thought that someone would be outside my ready to assassinate me for saying something mean about her. Now I know it is safe, so she is going down.

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