The Bachelor, Week 2, Park 2: I Laaah Sooprises

When there is this much drama on the first dates, you know we’re in for a good season! Let’s rewind just a bit to the first one-on-one date that went to Clare.

Juan Pablo blindfolded Clare before taking her in a car – just some more proof as to why this show is nothing like real life. If someone blindfolded you on your first date you better GTFO. Why was the blindfold necessary anyway? She wouldn’t have known where they were going regardless. He takes her on a piggy back ride into the Winter Wonderland and then just drops her on the ground. Juan Pablo was smitten with Clare because “She’s fun and she jumps around.” They got into the hot tub and she massaged him while talking about her Dad who passed away. She referred to herself as the “ice queen” because of how she shut her heart down after his death. I understand the emotional effect, but please find a different term. Josh Krajcik from X Factor was the entertainment for the evening and serenaded them while they danced in the snow while still donning their bathing suits. Snow started falling and it was confirmed that this show is running out of original date ideas.

Kat got the second one-on-one date. The two took a private jet and during the ride, they changed into glow in the dark attire. They end up in Salt Lake City, UT to participate in the Electric Run Race. This was incredibly awkward for a first date because they spoke for a total of 20 minutes on the flight. The rest of the time they were dancing and running and trying to catch their breath. Apparently Juan Pabs thought she was a good runner or something because he gave her a rose in front of the whole crowd, but Kat felt like they were the only two people there. Of course she did.

The group date was a photo shoot for an organization of which the name I can’t remember, but it was to help dogs get adopted. Anyway, this was so strange. One of the girls was given a piece of cardboard to cover up her goodies while in the nude. They clearly did this to cause a stir and she was so nervous because she was out of her element. Really? The rest of us model nude with small pieces of paper covering our hoo-ha’s every day. Anyway, JP convinced her to do it and she felt so much better, blah blah blah. This was so boring in comparison of what was to come.

Can we just jump right into Victoria and her love of wine? Look, I’m not gonna judge – I love me some grape juice just as much as the next girl, but if my every move would be documented for TV, I would limit it to a glass or two – or at least drink water in between bottles. Anyway, Victoria got HAMMERED. At first we just got some funny quotes such as “I’m gonna straddle him every day, because that’s what life is about – straddling people.” Okay, sure. My personal favorite was “Today, I gave him the hymen maneuver.” Oh, sweetheart. Nikki (my fave BTW) tried to help her but she would not take the bait. Victoria ended up crying hysterically and tried to storm out (aw, I remember my first blackout). Through chuckles, the producers calmed her down and somehow convinced her to stay. It was then that she decided to lock herself in the bathroom. Renee is clearly a Mom because she took one for the team and went in to try and talk to her, but alas, no such luck. The Pabs tried later but she was still not happy about it. He was super classy about it and just asked the girls to get her home safe (AKA don’t leave her alone with CH) and he would talk to her the next day. Side note: Kelly got the rose on the group date, probably because she had the worst outfit during the photo shoot.

So, okay, fast forward to the next day when Juan goes to talk to Victoria. I would have been MORTIFIED. Gal pal says she’s embarrassed but she did not express that enough when all she said was “I guess I should apologize.” I GUESS?? “Maybe I drank too much wine and could have acted a little more adult.” MAYBE? A LITTLE? Again, it’s happened to the best of us, but let’s act a little more remorseful, shall we? He has a child, gurl. He don’t got time for your shit, and he knew that so he told her in perfect English, “The rightest thing to do is not even wait for the rose ceremony and say goodbye now.” My takeway: I’m going to start using the word “rightest” more often.

Not much happened at the rose ceremony simply because nothing will trump Victoria’s outrageous episode. Amy “practiced her interviewing skills.” I haven’t asked Juan yet, but I can confirm that as a direct result of this, she did not receive a rose.

Sharleen apologized for being so ungracious when he gave her the first impression rose, which was nice. But, now I’m confused because it seems like she does like him and basically said it was all nerves. I still don’t know about her. She seems too normal and down to earth to be on this show. So it’s either that, or she’s hiding a lot of shit. By shit, I mean her personality.

All in all, this was a solid episode. Victoria’s situation was obviously the highlight, with the M & M commercial coming in a close second.


3 thoughts on “The Bachelor, Week 2, Park 2: I Laaah Sooprises

  1. I actually watched this one (morbid curiousity, idk)…your take is spot on. As I watched, I thought that this was great blogging material…but I’m too lazy to make the effort. Glad you do it though. 😉

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