I’ve been holding out on you guys. I need to introduce you to someone in order to get to the point of this post. This is some random man I picked up off the street who thought it would be a good idea to date me (LOLZ sucks for him). He’s just okay.
Everyone say hi Timmyyyyy because he loves that. Anyway, that’s not the point of this post because this blog is about me. The point is that he lives in Virginia for some stupid reason so I’ve been flying a lot to visit him.
I’ve been scared of flying since I knew that planes existed. As it turns out, flying more frequently does not at all help ease my fears. Some would say this is an irrational fear but I highly disagree. I’ve heard it all. You’re more likely to get into a car accident than be involved in a plane crash. Oh okay, well if it’s just a small chance I’ll plummet to my death, then count me in! Also, no shit a car crash is more likely – there’s approximately a million times more cars on the road than planes in the air at any given time, so maybe take that number into consideration (Note: I did no research on the subject, so numbers may be off). To make it worse, I have no control of the hunk of metal that is supposedly safe for me. I don’t know how it works so I don’t trust it. I don’t think it’s “irrational” to fear the possibility that the plane will either crash, go missing (WTF Malaysia), lose a wing – I don’t know! Look all I’m saying is that your chances of winning the lottery are pretty slim, but you still hope you do. Your chances of being in a plane crash are pretty slim, but you still hope you’re not.
This got me thinking about my other fears so I compiled a list for your reading pleasure.
Completely rational fears that people will try to tell you are irrational:
1. Running out of Ice cream
2. Not ordering enough pizza
3. Running out of guacamole
4. Really, just not having enough of any of your favorite food items.
5. The 3 seconds you wait for the page to load when checking your bank account
6. Fear of your lungs collapsing while running more than 1/4 mile
7. The dentist
9. Going to bed before your nails are completely dry
11. That (probably rabid) dog somehow jumping over the fence while you’re running and gnawing at your leg. By running, I mean walking (see # 6).
12. Taken will in fact happen to you in your cushy suburban home and Liam Neeson won’t be available to help
13. Come to think of it, all horror films will happen to you and they will not end well
14. Murderers behind the shower curtain
15. Underground tunnels
16. Walking over grates, sewers, or anything that leads to rats’ homes
17. Having something in your teeth and not knowing it
18. The bottom of your dress getting stuck in your underwear and you not knowing it (This has never happened to me but I constantly think it will)
19. Disgusting feet
20. Ending a list on a ridiculous number like 19.
I know I’m missing a lot. Add ’em to the list.