The Bachelorette, Week 5 & 6: It’s Kind of Weird That It’s So Weird

Gosh I am behind, but I want to stay on track so here are recaps for the past two weeks.

Honestly, the most exciting thing that happened in France was Chris Harrison wearing a turtleneck. He had a super awkward and unnecessary conversation with Andi where she told him that she was in love, and she was in love with more than one person. I despise when they say that because it’s not possible. But whatever. 

Andi was pumped for her date with Josh because she’s been thinking about it for a “long time.” Didn’t they meet 2 weeks ago? Not THAT long, Andi. Josh talked about a girl who spread “rumors” about how he could not be trusted. He told Andi that he doesn’t want to date just to date and the next woman he says “I love you” to will be his wife. Andi ate this up, but I don’t trust this dude. These are token lines that prove he’s just tryin’ to play her like a fiddle. But you do you, Andi. The gang was forced to mime in the streets of France for their group date which accomplished nothing except make foreigners hate Americans. The only one smooth enough to do this was (obvi) Marquel. 

Nick was the absolute worst on this date. I’m starting to get super annoyed with him. He just sat and sulked the entire time. Later that night the guys told Nick that they’re offended because he acts better than them and I 100% agree. In his defense, he didn’t argue it and just apologized and tried to let it go. Whether his apology was genuine or not, he knew that it was ridiculous. Andi tried to ask Nick what was wrong and she was like “I can feel it. I know something is going on.” What? No you can’t “feel it.” You know because Cody told you about it 30 seconds earlier. This bitch is starting to annoy me more and more.

We found out that Eric evidently called Marquel and Ron (old news) “blackies.” I’m not trying to defend him, but isn’t it more likely that he said “black guys” and they misunderstood? Not that this comment would be appropriate either, but still. It would make more sense. Anyway, Marquel wanted to confront Eric about it and decided to pick the most opportune time which, evidently, was in front of everyone. I think he spoke well and got his point across, but let’s do these chats in private in the future, shall we? Marquel can still do no wrong in my opinion.

JJ got the group date rose because he makes Andi feel “special,” unlike the other 15 dudes begging for 30 seconds to breathe her air.

Brian and Andi went to the movies which is just about the worst possible thing to do when you’re trying to get to know someone. They watched a movie about cooking and then went to cook themselves. AWWW. Someone did this date before. Des maybe? Brian is not a cook and was super uncomfortable about this date. They barely spoke while they cooked which was awkward. Andi was upset because the movie made cooking look romantic and her experience was not romantic. Congratulations, it only took you 26 years and law school to learn that movies do not mimic real life.

Andi sat down with CH with over-teased hair and told him she didn’t want to have a cocktail party because she knew who she wanted to send home. When Chris told this to the guys, they were all outraged by the “devastating” news. Can someone get these assholes a dictionary? That is not devastating. 

At the end of the night, Patrick, Eric, and Marquel went home. I’m still not sure who the hell Patrick is, but he said Andi made a mistake because lots of people have told him that he’s a catch and would make a great husband – oh, well in that case, come on back. Marquel cried which was so sad. I love him. Andi should have kept him. Eric said he was glad to leave because he was bullied the whole time so I guess this is middle school.

Going on to Week 6, these lucky jerks got to go to Venice Italy. Nick got the first one on one date and I started to like him again. I understand why they think he’s arrogant, but I don’t think he means to be. We’ll see. I didn’t pay attention to their date but I think it went well. There was a gondola ride accompanied with copious sink or swim analogies. During dinner, he told Andi he was falling in love with her. I think he meant Andi, but I can’t be sure because when he said it he was looking down at the table. Maybe he was actually falling in love with his chicken.They had a private masquerade ball because DUH.

In an effort to prove that this is a realistic show, Andi made the guys take a lie detector test on their group date. Standard 6th date. We did find out that the secret admirer was Chris upside down smile farmer. She didn’t even read the results so the whole thing was for nothing. Josh was still upset that they had to take the test even though she didn’t read the results. He didn’t like that she doesn’t trust them, which just shows he has something to hide. Skeeze ball. If I were him, I would have been more upset about the scarf I was wearing. 

Cody got the next date with Andi. I kept waiting for him to be an annoying stereotypical personal trainer but he always seems so nice and funny. He was so sweet and told her how much he liked her and kept going on and on until she finally started sobbing because she said she only saw a friendship. I felt so bad for Cody, but it didn’t seem like they really had a strong connection. Props to Andi for telling him and being fair to send him home.

During the cocktail party, Nick stole Andi right away and all the guys bitched about it because he already had a rose from his date. Andi loved it though because “that is a mannnnnnnn.” Uh, okay. The things she appreciates are SOOO strange.

JJ got sent home that night. I think the next to leave will be Dylan and Brian so hometowns will be Josh, Nick, Chris upside down smile farmer, and Marcus. BOOM.

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