The Bachelorette, Week 9: My Giant Ego and My Heart Don’t Match Up

Ughhhh. Helicopter ride, make out on beach, canoodle on towel. Repeat. Andi asked Nick about his “bad breakup” and he said he was just upset because his ego was bruised. She froze, probably realizing that the same thing would happen again if she doesn’t pick him. I thought Nick already told Andi/his dinner that he loved her, but I guess not. Good thing he did though, otherwise she would have kicked him to the curb. This is a one way street. Doesn’t matter how Andi feels. Just make sure you worship the ground she walks on, fellas. Nick told her he has a childlike sense of wonder so he “wrote” her a “book.” Why does Andi eat this shit up? My 6-week-old niece (had to throw that in) would have written and illustrated a more eloquent story. We didn’t hear the end, but I think it was “Nick trapped Andi against her will in his basement for the rest of her life.” The only other thing worth noting about this date is that Nick wore pink pants that were so snug that it was impossible to tell if you were looking at Nick’s legs or Andi’s legs.

Ever-needing attention, Andi said it would be nice to hear that Josh loves her. I bet it would have been nice to hear what your feelings were, too, selfish B. They ate something that’s supposed to be an aphrodisiac because Josh knew there was a private room at the end of this date. Luckily, Josh did tell Andi he loves her so she kept him around. They played baseball because Andi knows he would have been pissed if they didn’t. Andi was upset because Josh is “always happy” and she needs to know if he’s serious. Yea, what an asshole. How dare he be happy?! When Andi asked him about the fantasy suite he responded “it’s too easy” and she laughed. Oh, sweetie.

Andi said this was a make or break date for Chris. Poor thing already told her he loves her so she has no use for him anymore. They went horseback riding which Andi definitely hated, so that sealed the deal. She ended it with Chris and sent him home before the rose ceremony. I felt bad for him, but could have done without Andi hysterically crying. Stop acting like you care about Chris when the next day you are happiy clinking glasses with Nick and Josh, excited for them to meet your family.

It’s okay, though, because the next day she pondered her decision in a fluorescent muumuu.

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In her heart to heart with CH (is he in okay health? Just aging? He looked ruff) Andi was like “if I could do it all over again I would want these two to be the final two.” Well, I hope so.

I’m so ready for this unusually boring and irritating season to be over. For Nick’s sake, I hope she’s not basing her decision on their Instagram photos. I think Josh would be the clear winner if that’s the case.

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