As much as I preach about being a lazy Netflix junkie, there are in fact times where my body actually craves movement and exercise. It’s been freezing here in Upstate NY and no matter how much my body wants it, I refuse to run outside, and the gym is my worst enemy.
Last night, I took to the Smart TV and the interwebs to find an exercise video. There are sooo many random things out there from hip hop to zumba to sitting around while some machine gives you abs. The thought of doing step aerobics in my own home just made me feel like a freak, so I settled for Yoga. I figure, if I’m gonna wear the pants, I might as well use them. I chose a beginner video, which was probably a mistake.
Thoughts You Have While Doing Yoga:
1. This is great. I can sit Indian style* for days. How long do I have to sit like this until my abs appear?
2. Shit I’ve been breathing in through my mouth. I’m doing it wrong. THAT’S why I have this muffin top.
3. Why are we still sitting? I should have done the intermediate video.
4. We’re moving!
5. I appreciate a random yoga instructor who can laugh at herself when she realizes what she sounds like when she says “don’t let it go limp.”
6. Why are my arms burning?
7. Still burning. I am so weak. I can’t even do the most commonly known position in yoga, “downward dog.”
8. WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME HOLD THIS POSITION FOR 10 MINUTES?
9. Is it time to sit again?
10. I’m gonna sit.
11. Oh good, you’re joining me.
12. Who came up with these names? I don’t think any warriors did this pose before going to battle, did they?
13. I’m almost done. I still don’t think I’ve learned how to breathe properly.
14. That’s it?
15. Alright, bye soothing voice of an internet stranger I’ll never meet.
All in all, I definitely should have done something more difficult, and I think I’m going to try and continue doing this. Handstands, here I come! As much as I would love to just mock the whole thing, I actually felt a lot calmer afterwards. I didn’t even realize I wasn’t calm – who knew!?
*I’ve heard rumors that this is now referred to as “criss cross applesauce.” I love being PC as much as the next privileged white girl, but not enough to use a term as asinine as that. Come on Pre-K teachers. You can do better than that.