The weather is finally “warming up” to scalding 40 degree temps. I have been running (i.e. I’ve ran twice in the past week, barely making it to a mile before walking, but that’s neither here nor there) and last night I was reminded of a hilarious story.
A few years ago I was in a groove where I was running pretty regularly, typically in the same 4-5 times a week. One evening, I was trotting along the sidewalk minding my business when a car stopped and parked right next to me. I thought nothing of it since it was a fairly busy road where people would often park, as one does when they’ve arrived at their destination.
So, I continued trotting and heard a faint “excuse me, miss” over my Beyonce or Broadway show tunes (honestly, it could have been either one). I popped out one of my earphones to turn around, visibly annoyed that someone interrupted my groove, to a gentleman standing awkwardly next to me, while his friends watched in the car. I never got his name, so we’ll call him “sir.” Internal thoughts are in parentheses…Sir: Miss, I’m sorry to interrupt you, I uh…
Me: It’s okay… (This is clearly not okay. Did I drop something?)
Sir: Well, I uhh..
Me: *Gives him irritated look* (Spit it out!)
Sir: I seen you running here a lot lately and I’ve always wanted to say hi
Me: (You just said “I seen” so we’ll need to end this conversation as soon as possible).
Sir: Can I have your number?
Me: (Well that was forward. Shit shit shit. Absolutely not. No way. This guy has been “watching me?” Nope. Run away. Should I lie and say I’m married? Or say I’m gay? Say something, you ass.)
Sir: *Smiling creepily at me while his friends still watch from the car*
Me: I’m sorry, no. (Wow, no lies. Impressive).
Sir: Oh, how come?
Me: (Are you f*cking kidding me? Because I said so!)
Sir: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: (Alright, sure, we’ll go with that). Yes, I do.
Sir: Oh. How long you guys been dating?
Me: (Okay, now this is f*cking annoying). I really have to go.
Sir: You think it’ll last with him?
Me: Yes, I do. *RAN THE HELL AWAY* I think of that fateful day every time I run past that spot. And I look around with my music turned down to make sure he’s not stalking me.