Spring is in the Air (so the stalkers come out)

The weather is finally “warming up” to scalding 40 degree temps. I have been running (i.e. I’ve ran twice in the past week, barely making it to a mile before walking, but that’s neither here nor there) and last night I was reminded of a hilarious story.

A few years ago I was in a groove where I was running pretty regularly, typically in the same 4-5 times a week. One evening, I was trotting along the sidewalk minding my business when a car stopped and parked right next to me. I thought nothing of it since it was a fairly busy road where people would often park, as one does when they’ve arrived at their destination.

So, I continued trotting and heard a faint “excuse me, miss” over my Beyonce or Broadway show tunes (honestly, it could have been either one). I popped out one of my earphones to turn around, visibly annoyed that someone interrupted my groove, to a gentleman standing awkwardly next to me, while his friends watched in the car. I never got his name, so we’ll call him “sir.” Internal thoughts are in parentheses…

Sir: Miss, I’m sorry to interrupt you, I uh…
Me: It’s okay… (This is clearly not okay. Did I drop something?)
Sir: Well, I uhh..
Me: *Gives him irritated look* (Spit it out!)
Sir: I seen you running here a lot lately and I’ve always wanted to say hi
Me: (You just said “I seen” so we’ll need to end this conversation as soon as possible).
Sir: Can I have your number?
Me: (Well that was forward. Shit shit shit. Absolutely not. No way. This guy has been “watching me?” Nope. Run away. Should I lie and say I’m married?  Or say I’m gay? Say something, you ass.)
Sir: *Smiling creepily at me while his friends still watch from the car*
Me: I’m sorry, no. (Wow, no lies. Impressive).
Sir: Oh, how come?
Me: (Are you f*cking kidding me? Because I said so!)
Sir: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: (Alright, sure, we’ll go with that). Yes, I do.
Sir: Oh. How long you guys been dating?
Me: (Okay, now this is f*cking annoying). I really have to go.
Sir: You think it’ll last with him?
Me: Yes, I do. *RAN THE HELL AWAY*
I think of that fateful day every time I run past that spot. And I look around with my music turned down to make sure he’s not stalking me.

Adventure Time Cartoons & Comics animated GIF


2 thoughts on “Spring is in the Air (so the stalkers come out)

  1. That would freak me out. There are too many crazies in the world to make light of anything. I really don’t know what compels people sometimes.

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