Airplane Woes and Now I’m at the Beach SUCKERS

Comin’ atcha from Florida today. I’m currently waiting for Tim’s flight to arrive so we can go to the beach. No rush, but kinda. So, I did what any classy broad would do and popped a squat at Friday’s for a mimosa.


Caught TGI Fridays being classy with a strawb
I will probably be charged $25 for that. 

There’s really no point to this post except that I’m bored and I need to rant about the gentleman* behind me on my flight. This guy was probably in his 50s and hard of hearing. I know because he told the entire plane. And also because the volume of his voice was piercing.

This was a Southwest flight where you choose your own seats. It’s always such a daunting task. The whole process is absurd. You’re walking onto a plane scanning the people already there hoping you pick the one who doesn’t reek and also won’t be annoying as shit. Just another reason to hate flying.

So, I pick a middle aged man who was already reading a book and looked like he bathed within the past 24 hours. Excellent.

The last of the people are starting to board and the couple behind me starts bickering about who is going to take the aisle seat and who will take the window seat. 

Wife: Well, you’re gonna have to piss (she actually said piss) so sit on the outside so you’re not climbing over me.


*Repeat 5 times with 10x as many curse words*

The wife decided to sit in the next aisle over because I guess they wanted to spread out and annoy the shit out of as many passengers as possible.

So, this guy is then “muttering” crap to himself (except not muttering because as he stated before, he’s hard of hearing and doesn’t understand how loud he’s being) along the lines of “this is so f*ucking stupid. Now I’m gonna have to sit next to a f*ucking stranger. F*uck, f*uck, F*ck.”

At one point, a lady was walking down the aisle and leaned over to me and whispers “sweetie, you might want to think about changing your seat.” 

Luckily, he shut is pie hole once we took off, otherwise there probably would have been a brawl. Watch your mouth, you ass! There’s a nun 3 rows ahead of us for cryin’ out loud!

In all honesty, I have a trucker’s mouth so none of that shit ever offends me but it was just outrageous.

So, needless to say. I needed the mimosa. Next stop, DA BEACH BITCHES.

*Literally the exact opposite of what a gentleman would be. 


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