The Bachelorette, Week 7: No Ragrets

Tears. Sighs. Awkward silences. We picked up right where Kaity and Shawn’s conversation left off and he asked her if she loved him. She responded “I’m falling in love with you,” her nose ring sparkling against the lamp light. Kaity was worried that Shawn found out about the boom boom with Nick the other night so she made sure to completely avoid that topic. He mentioned he might want to leave. She told him to stay and then made out with him so now he’s staying. Talk about a pointless conversation.
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Kaitlyn ugly cried for a while but then quickly put her feelings aside because she realized she had more urgent matters to focus on – like her two-on-one date with JJ and Joe!

JJ said this date was the “biggest day of my recent life.” Define “recent,” please. Don’t you have a 3-year-old?? Surely, her birth was significant. JJ told Kaitlyn he cheated on his wife and Kaity was super understanding and supportive but it was probably just because she realized her romp in the sack with Nick pales in comparison.

Joe told Kaitlyn he was falling in love with her. She thought it was great because he opened up but I was completely baffled because I don’t think they’ve spoken since the first night. She ended up sending JJ home but told Joe she needed more time before she gave him the rose. Girlfriend is cautious with her roses but offers up the va-jay jay on a whim. Love a gal with who has her priorities in check. He was a good kisser, I guess, since she did give him the rose after they swapped spit for 10 minutes.

Kaitlyn was sobbing in the confessional (nothing new there) when a producer got a call that Shawn was on his way to her room. She sobbed some more because she wanted to keep avoiding the Nick talk so she could rope Shawn into marrying her before telling him about her giant lie because a marriage built on trust and honesty is for losers. So, she was super relieved when he just wanted to talk about how hard this is for him – AGAIN. What a boring 15 minutes of sighing and crying. She reassured him by saying that if they were going to end up together, they had to go through “everything else.” I assume “everything else” means “I’m going to have sex with a few more people.”
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Kaitlyn told the group that she made some mistakes and then told them how nervous she was and how much she was shaking, leaving them all utterly confused. Right as she was about to confess, Benzie pulled her aside because he hadn’t kissed her in Ireland yet.  Benaitch took her next and told her that the night she went to chat with him and Shawn off camera, he got a “weird vibe” from her – AKA the night she told Shawn “you’re it.” She started crying – probably remembering the Nick situation – and then they made out so everything was A-Okay. **There are rumors that she had sex with Shawn this night and OHMIGOD I hope it’s true. Can’t wait for the After the Final Rose**

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Luckily, when Kaitlyn talked to Nick, she made sure to ask him not to talk about their “intimate” night. He was like no, I totes won’t say anything, and then they – wait for it – made out.

Kaitlyn told Shawn that she regretted sneaking into his room the other night (but she still doesn’t regret banging Nick). I assume her regret comes from realizing that he’s a man who wears a royal blue suit. I think she genuinely believes that her biggest mistake was telling Shawn that he’s “the one,” which is just HILARIOUS.
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Tanner and Benzie went home. Who is Tanner? I was actually kind of confused that Cupcake Dentist Chris stayed over Benzie. A lot of Kaitlyn’s decisions confuse me, though. Mainly her taste in men.

PART DEUX (Since the producers don’t know how to properly organize this show, (rose ceremonies halfway through), I’ll do it for them)

Kaitlyn and Jared rode in a smart car while the rest of the guys had to take a green bus with “PADDYWAGON” written on the side. “Later, dignity and confidence” said the guys. Kaitlyn and Jared made out in her room (I probably don’t need to mention these things. If a body is around, she’s sucking his face, okay?) Finally, when she was alone, there was a knock at the door.

Turns out Chris Harrison was just there for counseling services. Where were you 2 weeks ago!? Do you see the disaster that has happened?! He told Kaitlyn that she needed to narrow it down to 3 guys so everyone had “an even playing field.” They would skip hometown dates and instead have them after the overnight dates with the 3 guys. AKA she’ll get a chance to bone the 3 that are left before meeting their parents.

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One-on-One Date

Kaitlyn took Cupcake Dentist Chris to have a picnic on a cliff. After awkward small talk, she told him that he’s perfect on paper but she doesn’t see them being together forever and he told her she was just scared. She started crying and hopped in her jet to GTFO, leaving him to cry alone on a cliff. Not the best planning, everyone. We were left with a cliffhanger (PUNNY) wondering will he or won’t he jump while a producer stayed nearby to be sure he didn’t in fact, jump. Cupcake Chris crumbled (PUNNY) into a ball in hysterics. Just a reminder…

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