In yet another snooze-worthy installment of The Bachelorette, last night’s episode began with Kaitlyn pretending to be sad about sending the Cupcake Dentist home last week. Kaitlyn was nervous because 8 weeks into the “process” she has finally decided to try to figure out if one of these guys can be her husband. Otherwise, she’ll just keep Nick around as her creepy fuck buddy.
What better way to figure out if someone is hubby material than to play hide and seek with him? Luckily, Benaitch was all for it and he found her! The two chatted and asked what husband/wife material was for each other. Finally – some legitimate conversation! First on Ben’s list was that she needs to be smokin’ hot and apparently he thinks Kaitlyn is attractive so he’s pretty sure they could get married.
During their chat, Benaitch told Kaitlyn that he thought he was unlovable and she was like you cray! I’ll love you in the fantasy suites! Know what I’m sayin’?! Benaitch told Kaitlyn that he would love to have an overnight date with her so they could “talk all night” without needing to be physical. Horny McHorns A Lot thought the only possible reason someone wouldn’t want to bang within 10 minutes of meeting someone would be because they were a virgin. So, she asks him just that and he was like uhh no I’m not you raging horn dog.
Group Date – Shawn, Nick, & Joe (AKA “how the hell is this guy still here?” guy)
Shawn is totally happy that he and Kaitlyn are “Shawn and Kaitlyn” again. I guess the only requirements were to make-out and stall so horn dog didn’t have to tell him about Nick. Until – wait for it – Nick came to talk to Kaitlyn.
Joe was up next and he told Kaitlyn he was in love with her so he would totally be able to kiss her and only her for the next 60 years. Apparently, he thought this was a re-make of Sweet Home Alabama.
Kaitlyn finally stuttered out that she’s not in love with him but she can’t imagine saying bye to him – probably because they didn’t get a chance to bone before he left. Joe acted like he was surprised and hurt because who wouldn’t be hurt when you don’t profess your love after one date? He left and probably re-applied some hair gel.
Kaitlyn sent Nick back to the hotel and continued the date with Shawn because it’s been almost a month since her romp with Nick and it had finally been eating away at her enough to tell Shawn the truth.
Finally, Horn Dog was able to tell Shawn about Nick. After she dropped the sex bomb, he cleared his throat and after 15 minutes of silence he asked if she regretted it.
He took a bathroom break and when he returned, he handled it with more maturity than I would have ever expected. He was kind of like well it happened, I hate him, but I still want to be with you.
After Shawn was back at the hotel, Chris Harrison came into the room to break up the long stares and awkward conversations and to tell the guys that Kaitlyn knew what she wanted to do so they would be going straight to the rose ceremony.
Shawn interrupted the rose ceremony right as his name was called to talk to Kaitlyn. She told him that she is here to explore other relationships because at the end of this she will be stuck having sex with one person for the rest of her life. She totally seems like someone ready for a committed relationship, especially marriage.
Kaitlyn sent Jared home and it is the best thing that has ever happened to him. I was just starting to accept the fact that he will never be able to grow a full beard and even liked him a little bit. He handled their break-up better than anyone I’ve ever seen on this show in the past 13 years. He may be – dare I say – Bachelor material.
Mr. & Mrs. Horn Dog Go on a Solo Date
Nick and Kaitlyn wandered through a church and Nick explained what a confessional was while she sweat like a whore in church – literally. After that they talked about boring shit like their first kiss because everything needs to be physical with these two horn dogs. I have no idea what else they talked about but I know it was raining. Something about eskimo brothers are guys who bang the same chick. Kaitlyn gave Nick the overnight date card that said:
“Welcome to Cork.
You’re welcome to pork.
Again, you HORN DOGS.
Love, Chris Harrison”
Or something like that.
Kaity is totes a cool girl and loves pranks so she made it seem like they were given a cot on the floor in a cement room. He basically started taking off his pants before Kaitlyn interrupted him to tell him they have an even bigger bed than they had last time in a beautiful room.
The next day, Shawn went to Nick’s room where they talked about how much they don’t like each other and and we finally got a “to be continued” AGAIN.
p.s. We got an update about Britt and Brady. They’re trying the long distance thing. Gee, thanks for that juicy info.
p.p.s. HORN DO