1. I don’t want to brag, but I turned down donuts AND candy at work this week. I’m going to be on vacation soon so I’m eating really healthy for more than 5 consecutive days since I have to wear a bathing suit. I’ll be a model in no time.
2. When I drop Tim off at the airport, I’ll usually wave for a little extra “goodbye” when he’s inside (I know, we’re adorable). This Monday was a little different when a creepy middle-aged man smoking on the sidewalk thought I was waving at him. I looked in horror as Tim laughed and I GTFO of there. Reminded me of this:
Except it wasn’t funny, it was creepy. Side note: Ellen Stand-Up is amazing.
4. “Should You Order Dessert if Your Date Declines?” I’ll be honest, I only read the first two paragraphs of this article, but that’s all I needed.
I’m a single guy in my early 30s, and I often take potential romantic partners out for dinner. When the question of dessert comes up, I’m never sure what to do. To be polite, I always ask my date if she’s interested in dessert, and the answer is almost always no. I then feel bad about ordering dessert myself, so I turn it down as well. Is it impolite to have dessert even if my date has decided not to? —Lev
The “answer” was some sort of garbage like she doesn’t want to look like a fatty fat, but you can if you want. Wrong, Dan. It should have been something along the lines of
Hello fellow dessert lover Lev,
Let’s start with your shitty date. She’s the one who’s being impolite by denying basic human needs – or something. You should order that dessert and make sultry faces as you eat it. (I’m imagining a warm brownie with vanilla ice cream, but you can pick whatever you want.) The only possible alternative is if she’s hoping the date will continue with romantic soft serve ice cream. If the date is going well, I highly suggest this instead. No sharing though. Ain’t nobody got time for that. You’re welcome.
Erica (Dessert lover, female, and most importantly -normal human being who orders dessert. We’re not animals.)
5. I got a tic long-winded but I’m just really passionate about the subject. Anyway, I’ll end this here. Have a Taylor Swift at an awards show type of weekend.