The Powerball jackpot is now $1.5 billion, in case you live under a rock and didn’t know. Tim and I may purchased tickets last Saturday and didn’t win. I was devastated and have continued throwing my money at the lottery since then. I bought 2 powerball tickets today as well as a $1 scratch off which awarded me a full $7.00. I assume this is good luck and that I will be winning the jackpot today,
I know what you’re thinking. But what on earth will you do when you win!?
- Tell no one.
2. Order pizza. I can think of no better way to celebrate than with a healthy, well-balanced meal.
3. Round out my meal with a hefty serving of ice cream.
4. Pace around for 3-4 days (weeks?) not knowing where to begin.
5. Hire someone to do the boring shit for me.
6. Travel. ZOMG like everywhere. See you in 5 years, bitches.
7. Upon return, find a suitable beach home where Tim and I can reside. Don’t worry, we’ll find one with extra bedrooms so our friends and family can visit. But only if I’m friends with you right now. Don’t come out of the woodwork after I win my billions asking to come to Fiji.
8. Related: Don’t worry, friends and fam, we will give you monetary thanks for putting up with us.
9. Also, I’m not an asshole. We will obviously donate to charity.
10. Buy Beyonce’s friendship, if possible.