The Bachelor Ben, Week 3: I Have Cankles

First one-on-one Date
Lauren Bee was told “the sky’s the limit” when she opened her date card. Interns: creativity. Use it sometimes. Lauren is a flight attendant and she was petrified to get in a plane. If nothing else, I learned last night that my fear of flying is completely justified if a flight attendant can’t even handle it! Remind me to never be on her plane. Lauren told Ben that she felt like a little kid around him which is apparently what he wanted to hear since he kissed her right after that.

When they landed they walked through an empty field to a hot tub in the middle of nowhere and no one questioned it. I guess Ben just thinks it’s completely normal to sit in hot tubs in outrageous places. Maybe they should just have just brought it on the plane. Ben was sweet enough to lead Lauren to a tree so she could change behind it. A. Tree.  

At dinner, Ben asked Lauren what made her happy and she said “I’m just really simple. Just simple things.” Alright, then. Ben thought she was special because of that and said he wants her to “really know him.” *winkity wink*

He gave her the rose and then they went to a Lucy Angel private concert. I’m back to not knowing who the hell these musicians are.

Back at the Mansion

Ben and Lauren Bee flew over the mansion and when the ladies realized it was them, they flipped out. Emily said she was upset because “it totally could have been me.” I thought it was cute that she thought her and her twin had a legitimate shot and they were there for anything more than entertainment value.

Caila started sobbing about how she thinks Ben might break her heart which I thought was a bit aggressive for day three, but to each their own.

Jubilee started crying because she realized that Ben gravitates towards the nice girls and that pisses her off because she’s way more complicated AKA better than them.

Group Date

Amanda, Hailey, Jennifer, Leah, Shushanna, Amber, Lauren H., Olivia, Jami, Rachel, Lace, and Emily had a soccer game group date. Two World Cup players came to help out because this show hasn’t thought of a new date idea since 2004. LITERALLY. I do somewhat enjoy these dates because few things are more entertaining than idiots trying not to ruin their soft curls and mascara while trying to play a game. For what felt like one full hour, we listened to girls talk about how they were definitely going to win, while watching them play horribly.  

The winning team got to spend the evening with Ben and within three minutes they were all already hating on Olivia. I thought it was interesting that Lace referred to Olivia as “aggressive” for stealing Ben away so quickly. Pot, meet kettle. The ladies hit her where it really hurts and talked shit about how ugly her toes are.

Amber told Ben that it is different this time around because you can totally like change in a year and she is just hopeful because she knows what she wants. For whatever reason, that got her the group date rose.

Second one-on-one date

After bitching about how Ben wasn’t going to pick her, Jubilee got the second one-on-one date. She was nervous when the private jet landed because she’s afraid of heights and jokingly asked the girls “does anyone want to take my date?” and they all flipped like she just said she killed a puppy. 

They landed at a different mansion and ate caviar (that Jubilee spit out) and sat in a – wait for it – hot tubbbbbbbb!   

 They had an incredibly awkward conversation about Ben’s inability to laugh. I was physically cringing during this date. Get it together, Joobs.

Girlfriend redeemed herself at dinner when she told Ben about her past and how her entire family was killed except for her. We don’t know how though! I need to know details because now I’m invested in her story. I hate when shit gets real on this show. Ben gave her a rose because he loves that she has “so many layers.” He also needs to figure out some new vocabulary.

Cocktail Hour & Rose Ceremony

Everyone was pissed that Jubilee got a rose because of her sarcastic comment before their date. So, it’s confirmed: none of these women have a sense of humor. Ben told them that two people he was close with were killed in a plane crash. Olivia consoled him by crying about how much she hates her body from the waist down. MmmmK.  

Jubilee tried to console him by giving him a massage and everyone thought she needed to be confronted for some reason. Amber tried to get her to talk and she was like “I don’t want to have a girl chat.” To be fair, they literally wanted to attack her. Amber tattled on Jubilee to Ben for her comment about not wanting to go on the date (why is this a thing??) and Ben regretted his decision to be the bachelor for the 148th time this season.

Lace realized that she has a lot of work to do on herself and decided to send herself home. Respect, girl. 

Jami, Shushanna did not get a rose. Nobody cared except for them.

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One thought on “The Bachelor Ben, Week 3: I Have Cankles

  1. If only everyone had the realization that they needed to work on themselves, then the world would be a better place. But Bachelor just wouldn’t be the same. Thank goodness some of them aren’t self aware.

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