The Bachelor Ben, Week 4: What Happens in Vegas…

…Will be aired on National television, you twits.

This week took the crazies to Las Vegas which is the best thing in the world to a bunch of basic bitches. Ben greeted them with an electronic sign and they were yelping like he just proposed to all 15 of them.
The Bachelor Oliva Clapping

One-on-one Date #1

Isla Fisher Jojo got the first one on one date. When their private jet (obvi) arrived, the wind nearly blew Jo’s top off. Keep it classy, Bach. The other girls watched them from the window until they started kissing and then they all cried because they forgot what this show is about. Jojo told Ben a vague story about how she didn’t trust her ex. Ben made out with her and stroked her wrist and she was miraculously cured of her trust issues. They ended the night watching fireworks on the roof . The girls back at the hotel watched them – AGAIN – this is getting creepy.

Group Date
Amanda, Jubilee, Caila, Lauren B., Amber, Hailey, Emily, Leah, Lauren H., Jennifer, Rachel, and Oliva were expected to perform a special talent. It was confusing because they all thought being a tall, skinny girl with long wavy hair was enough to succeed in life. (*Full disclosure: I would GTFO if asked to perform a hidden talent because I have none, so not judging them for that.) The girls did predictable things like tap dance, juggle, hula hoop, and jump around on a pogo stick. Olivia jumped out of a cake like a Vegas showgirl and looked like an idiot.

It was not unexpected. Then, she had a panic attack because she could tell Ben only gave her a pity hug. She told Ben she was embarrassed and finally realized something was wrong. Girl, it’s you. You’re wrong.

Caila didn’t want to stand out in an obnoxious way so she sat on Ben’s lap and started making out with him. Subtle. Lauren H. sucked major face with Ben. I hope her Kindergartners weren’t watching.

Lauren B. missed Ben soooo much and told him she was terrified because there’s so many other wonderful women. Honey, you’re like top 3 most normal. You’re fine. LB ended up with the group date rose and Olivia was twitching.

One-on-one Date # 2

Becca got the second date and she was given a wedding dress to wear for their date. Ben got down on one knee and asked Becca to marry….other people together because he got ordained. I think she thought it was going to be a real proposal for a second. They went on to marry a bunch of couples in Vegas. I feel like these couples are all getting phone calls now like “Yeah, that wasn’t real. Sorry. Go to city hall or something…” Later, they went to a neon sign museum which is stupid as it sounds. Ben has a lot of questions like “Can she love, can she feel, can she commit?” Becca admitted that she was already more invested in Ben during week 4 than she was at the end of Chris Soules’ season. Poor Farmer.

Two-on-One Date

Ben took Emily and Haley on a date so he could pick between the twins. They went to their parents’ house so he could dump one of them in front of the other as well as her mom. Haley got the boot and they all cried. This was honestly so twisted and cruel. And unnecessary – we all know Emily will be going home in a week, too.

Cocktail Hour & Rose Ceremony

Olivia told Ben that she was falling for him. They’ve been on 3 dates (with other women) in three weeks and she told him she was falling for him. He was cringing. She interpreted that as him reciprocating those feelings. Ben is an idiot and still gave her a rose.

Amber and “Unemployed” (Rachel) were sent home. Amber dramatically threw herself on a lounge chair because of course she did.

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